A few days ago, I deduced from my Facebook feed that “National Sons’ Day” had passed a couple days prior, and my kids’ “Bad Mom” had not posted a photo and pithy words to acknowledge it like she used to. Sorry, boys.
My two sons, of course, are amazing and perfect just like all your kids or nieces and nephews are, and that’s all my Facebook friends need to believe. We used to have a popular Facebook schtick “Hey, Mom?” 2008-2014; since then I rarely if ever have posted about them, because their formerly hilarious sarcastic comments were no longer precocious, but possibly homicidal.
But this post…when I thought about National Sons’ Day, I thought about how its sort of crazy how two siblings could be SOOOOO DIFFERENT. In fact, I struggle to think of any similarities between them, other than having the same parents (as far as their Dad knows, anyway.) I hear this a lot from other parents. In fact, I’m not sure any parent has ever told me, “My kids are the exact same! They both take after their father!” or whatever.
I don’t want to name my sons because the older one vehemently wants to preserve his privacy, and the other one would want me to shout his name from the rooftops—so we’ll honor the older one’s wishes.
Looks
We will call the older one #1 Son. He looks very much like my very attractive Mother, only in guy form.
My #2 Son, born 14 months after my #1 Son, looks much like his handsome Dad.
Personality
#1 Son, while looking just like my side of the family, has the personality of his Dad. He is lowkey, sits back and observes, and generally only speaks when he has something to say. He does have dark humor and the ability to tell a joke, courtesy of me, so despite his laid-backness—or perhaps because of it—is the life of the party.
#2 Son, while looking like his Dad, is all me, personality wise. He is outgoing, a musician, a writer, and has an opinion on everything, and when we are together we never shut up. (#1 Son would often complain about this.)
Interests
Both boys developed their long-term career interests around age 10. #1 Son is pursuing a career in law enforcement, and #2 Son in neuroscience.
Driving
A great example of how much two siblings can differ is in their driving skills.
#1 Son takes after his Dad, the artist and engineer, in spatial reasoning; and his Mom, the aggressive one, in being overconfident in his abilities. He probably could have taken his road test within five minutes of turning 16, and passed it..likely mostly due to his obsession with video games focusing on driving.
#1 was the only one in Monroe County ever to beat the “Don’t Text and Drive” machine they brought to his high school. I am not making this up. He was able to text while not hurting anyone—not that he would ever text and drive. He has wanted to be a cop since age 10 and is straight laced. #1 never took drivers’ ed, and passed the test in short order. This driving skill comes in handy, being in law enforcement.
#2 Son’s driving skills—well, that’s another story. His personality is like a Nutty Professor sometimes—booksmart but maybe not so streetsmart. At the DMV, they asked him during the eye test, “Can you read the letters on the chart?” His response: “Yes.” Once he realized they meant, Please read us the letters out loud, he answered appropriately, we went home with a permit, and proceeded to the Barker Road Junior High School parking lot for some practicing (I refuse to call it by its updated moniker: “Middle School.”) After what seemed like hours, he stopped, turned to me and said, “Mom, I feel dangerous in the drivers’ seat.” I responded, “I am not feeling so good, either.” We switched seats. And that was it for seven years. He wanted to live in a big city with public transportation, and figured driving might not be a skill he would need.
But recently #2 graduated from college, and while he was job hunting, I went ahead and sent him to Driver’s Ed at the Morgan School of Driving. There was no way in hell I personally was going to teach this kid how to drive, especially on the expressway. It was sort of worth the $1200 I didn’t have, in order to not die. And it worked—he passed on the first try.
However, now we have created a monster. I ride with #2 and he criticizes the other drivers. He calls to my attention things I never particularly noticed or cared about, as my driving strategy is singing along to my Foreigner Double Vision album while tipping my rearview mirror up so that I don’t have to worry about what’s behind me, too distracting. It’s worked so far. “They’re too close,” “They merged too soon,” et al et al. Who cares? Mind your own business. Sing a song and pretend you’re in a fishbowl. Perhaps he’ll learn that with time.
#2 has actually turned into a very good driver. He’s not like #1, but I trust my #2. Yet—yesterday he went to change lanes and a big SUV was in our blindspot. He quickly corrected, but it was wobbly, and had he not, I would have been seriously injured. It could happen to anyone, but it happened to us, and it briefly crossed my mind that #1 would not have done that.
Then I thought about how much I love #2 Son, and how many times I have done the exact same thing—not see someone, then quickly correct away from them. I told him look once, then look again, and he didn’t like to be admonished, but that’s my job, and I know he heard me. Sometimes you have to have a scare in order to learn. Actually, now that I think about it, perhaps in all areas of our life, we need a scare in order to learn.
Looks, personality, interests, driving style, my sons are both different, as are we all. If they were similar, that would have been boring, right?
Happy Belated National Sons’ Day to the two most important people in my life. If you were both the same, that would be boring, and I would probably not love either of you as much.
Love,
Mom